Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
