Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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