i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
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All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
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I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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