She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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