I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize