worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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