just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
