I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I believe in your delicious
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
