The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He felt like a one man threesome
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
