Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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