Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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