no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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