So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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