dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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