He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask