i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl