Texts From Last Night

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  (360): View more from Washington

  I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.

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  (360): I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high. http://tfl.nu/uw52
  Replies (12) Good night (3399) Bad night (994)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show

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  (202): Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show http://tfl.nu/lemk
  Replies (22) Good night (2948) Bad night (804)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?

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  (603): Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter? http://tfl.nu/0om2
  Replies (75) Good night (1632) Bad night (5273)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween

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  (978): Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween http://tfl.nu/fww2
  Replies (38) Good night (6428) Bad night (1395)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.

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  (504): He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom. http://tfl.nu/xop2
  Replies (2) Good night (1614) Bad night (1097)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous

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  (785): I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous http://tfl.nu/ltir
  Replies (14) Good night (1257) Bad night (735)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"

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  (262): Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10" http://tfl.nu/3dr6
  Replies (1) Good night (1140) Bad night (624)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!

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  (701): He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time! http://tfl.nu/6xbr
  Replies (27) Good night (2204) Bad night (949)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.

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  (732): Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train. http://tfl.nu/hytn
  Replies (4) Good night (988) Bad night (517)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.

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  (512): I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited. http://tfl.nu/hhhk
  Replies (7) Good night (2314) Bad night (798)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match

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  (303): I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match http://tfl.nu/tsdg
  Replies (1) Good night (680) Bad night (333)
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  (650): View more from California

  Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.

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  (650): Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman. http://tfl.nu/0nkg
  Replies (2) Good night (679) Bad night (383)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus

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  (412): Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus http://tfl.nu/j3t9
  Replies (3) Good night (643) Bad night (334)
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  (916): View more from California

  I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.

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  (916): I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings. http://tfl.nu/ki9y
  Replies (2) Good night (739) Bad night (285)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up

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  (913): as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up http://tfl.nu/p34w
  Replies (1) Good night (498) Bad night (243)

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