Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.