Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.