Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Randomize
Follow @tfln