I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
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You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
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It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.