Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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