Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize