Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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