I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
