I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
