Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
