i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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