No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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