Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
