I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
