dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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