I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
