she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
