He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
wow bdsm is so cute
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