im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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