We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
why didn't you poke me back
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
where does the pee come out of this thing
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
