we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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