I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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