why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
