call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
