anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
