We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
