i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
