There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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