Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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