I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Found the puke drawer
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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