God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
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