At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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