I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
