she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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