Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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