The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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