i would punch a child for taco bell
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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