My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
last night I used snow as a chaser
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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