Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
