I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize