Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
