She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
