Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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