I just made out with a guy for $7.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
