K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
