Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
