Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
