Apparently you make a good broom.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
