You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
