New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
