There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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