i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My dick has a subreddit
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
