I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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