bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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