i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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