Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
