my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
