There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
