all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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