Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
