I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
