they need to just BURY HIM!
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
