i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Soap is not a condiment
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
