you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
