my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
