Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
