did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
