I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
