If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
