Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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