What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
