please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You need Xanax blowdarts
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
