There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
