Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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