My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
