I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
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