the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
