In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
