i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
