so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
