i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
