great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
