I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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