Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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