you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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